You are aware of those enormous, lengthy log-hauling trucks? the ones that transport substantial stacks of pre-telephone pole stock? These guys occasionally roar by on their way to, we assume, a factory that shapes telephone poles without really intending to run your Prius over.

We urgently require new and replacement telephone poles. For pete’s sake, imagine what the world would be like without a consistent supply of telephone poles! Therefore, we shouldn’t be alarmed by a truck speeding by carrying logs.

It’s when we see two log-carrying trucks, going by in opposite directions that should make us thinking persons scratch our heads. There are two trucks traveling in different directions. Two trucks, one coming from the east to drop off its logs into a factory somewhere west that shapes logs, and the other coming from the west to drop off its load somewhere east. You should understand how ridiculous this is even if you failed ninth grade geography. They wouldn’t think that each truck could just switch drop-off points. Are there variations among factories that shape logs, specifically? I sincerely doubt it.

Three major explanations of this wasteful industrial behavior fly around these days:

  1. Driving more allows drivers to spend more time away from home.
  2. Better bars can be found in City A or City B.
  3. A pushy cousin of the mill that chops logs is located far away in the factory that shapes poles.

These are absurd justifications for all of them. Since Alexander Bell became a dead ringer, it’s more likely that log business people have been leaving their logs at the same few locations, and by God, they ain’t gonna change.

A better strategy is coming into view. Do logging truck drivers have cellphones? One trucker calls another, they exchange information regarding switching now-shorter drop-off runs, and everyone saves gas. As a result, the owners’ operating expenses are reduced, there are more logging shipments, and all drivers earn more money.

To serve this specialized trade, restaurants could be opened. Picture a pulled pork restaurant set up for these hard-working American drivers, with catchy slogans such as, “As you exchange logs, try our hogs.” Or a bakery aimed at this crowd, “When you fiddle with your poles, eat our rolls.” This might be misconstrued as an ethnic joke slam, but maybe not that one.

Why am I so sure that this brilliant idea will only receive a vaudeville drum roll? Unfortunately, the hint to this tragic tale is found in the section above about the restaurants that trade logs. Tree-based telephoning may be going out of style because of mobile phones. But wait! Cell phones require towers, which require raw steel manufactured poles, which require trucks to carry the raw steel tower poles, which probably get new truck stop diners in their honor, “When trading towers, there are coed showers… “

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